Australian letter of the
This is an actual letter sent to the then DFAT
Minster, The Hon Alexander Downer and the then Immigration, The Hon Minister
Amanda Vanstone. The Government tried in desperation to censure the author, but
got nowhere because every legal person who read it nearly wet themselves
Please excuse the language contained within, but I
suspect the author was somewhat upset? I'll let you
customer of the Federal government.
A fabulous characteristic
of Australians is that we are far more direct and outspoken than others when
dealing with the sort of elected wanker who wouldn't otherwise get the full
drift of what they were trying to communicate.
Below is one such
Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport,
and still cannot believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone
number, and knows that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back
in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was
born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all
the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver's
licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid
customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off
the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that
I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.
Also..would somebody please take note, once and for all,
that my mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely
fucking astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop
I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed
off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bullshit! You
send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fucking address!! What
the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless
Neanderthal arseholes workin' there!
And another thing, look at my damn
picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I
just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter.
(Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why
would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?
If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse,
believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to
go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another
fucking copy of my birth certificate, and to part with another $80 for the
privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to
have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new
passport on the same day?? Nooooo.. that'd be too fucking easy and makes far too
much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the place
like chickens with our fucking heads cut off, and then having to find some high
society wanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the
photo..the one where we're not allowed to smile?! ...you fucking
Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.
what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in high-society to
confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before
In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do
remember the Eureka Stockade!!)
I have also served in both the
CMF and regular Army something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and
still have high security clearances.
I'm also a personal friend of the
president of the RSL.. and Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card
However, your rules require that I have to get someone
'important' to verify who I am; You know.. someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN
AND RAISED IN FUCKING PAKISTAN!!!......a country
where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are
suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.'
You are all Fucking